I've always been conscious about taking up too much space.

I’ll wait for a natural pause in conversation before speaking, so I don’t talk over anyone.

I’ll apologise for things completely outside of my control because somehow, I still feel at fault.

I’ll hold back from answering a question even when I know the answer, just to give someone else a chance to shine.

I’ll never go somewhere I haven’t been explicitly invited, because I don’t want to overstep.

In busy spaces, I instinctively make myself smaller, giving others more room.

I don’t want to be in the way.

I'm constantly aware of the space I take up — physically, emotionally, metaphorically — which is ridiculous when you consider I'm 5ft 3.

I'm quiet, observant, polite, and considerate. I barely take up space at all.

So why do I still feel like others deserve more space than me?

I shouldn’t feel like I have to shrink myself just to make others comfortable.

I have a right to exist — just as much as anyone else.

But try telling that to the introvert inside me.

To put this into perspective: the other day, I was eating an apple and became hyper-aware of how loud my crunching was. I spiralled into overthinking, convinced I must be annoying everyone around me. So, I stopped eating it.

Even though I've wanted another apple since... I haven’t reached for one.

I know how ridiculous that sounds.
It’s an apple, Illesse. Just eat it.

But it’s hard to change the things we’ve done our whole lives.

More than that, this hyper-awareness is a natural part of being an introvert — a part I wasn’t even consciously noticing most of the time.

And honestly?
I don't want to lose this entirely.

There are strengths to being an introvert.

I genuinely believe that giving others space to speak, being mindful of people’s comfort, and paying attention to who gets the room to shine are traits the world could use more of.

I don’t want to lose that.

But what I do want is to stop making myself smaller when I don’t have to.

To stop automatically putting others first — especially when they wouldn't think twice about putting themselves ahead of me.

To realise that it’s okay to be a little loud sometimes. To take up space. To exist unapologetically.

I don’t need to apologise for simply being here.

I exist.
I am me.
And that is nothing to apologise for.

You don’t need to earn your right to take up space.
You already deserve it, just by being you.

So stand a little taller today.
Speak a little louder if you want to.
Eat the damn apple.