On the 13th of October 2020, I wrote what I didn’t know then would be my last blog on here for the next 4 years. The same month, another UK lockdown was introduced, and life as we knew it changed forever with the birth of our first child in January 2021.

From that point on, any thoughts of blogging were out the window – replaced with milk and nappies and milk again, lack of sleep, new heights of love and even higher heights of fear. I had planned to get so much writing done during my maternity leave – ha! How naïve I hear you say.

Our little one is 4 now, and slowly, I found I’ve got slightly more free time. So why not start blogging again?

The one thing that has been holding me back is the thought of feeling like a fraud. Motherhood, lockdowns, career moves, new people - all these factors have shaped and changed me.

I read a book recently with a quote that resonated with me and sums this up quite nicely:

“I remember being twenty-one and thinking that my personality was a solid thing, that me was set in stone, that I would always feel what I felt and believe what I believed. But now I know that me is fluid and shape changing.” ― Lisa Jewell, Then She Was Gone

These feelings of being ‘fraudulent’ have been plaguing me as ‘An introvert in the workplace’ was based on just that – being an introvert. Whereas now, I’d wager I’m more of an ambivert.

Ambivert: a person who has a balance of extrovert and introvert features in their personality.

The last few years have been a whirlwind, and a core part of my personality, my essence, my identity, has changed. And the blog I once loved now sits gathering virtual dust.

In reflection, I think subconsciously I’d been struggling with reconciling past Illesse, the identity I thought was who I would be forever, with my present reality... and maybe I was afraid to admit that she’d evolved.

Today, however, I have decided to change my thinking. I’m not a fraud – this is me right now, and that’s perfectly okay.

Granted, Ambivert in the workplace doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

But the point of this entire piece is that I aim to continue blogging about my journey, my struggles, my highs and lows, just with a slightly different frame. Some will be introvert-based, some with a workplace theme, and others not - because ‘me is fluid’, and life is fluid. And that’s okay.